Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Listen Before you Talk
Listening is a skill that requires practice. This habit focuses on seeking to really understand what others have to say first before formulating our own answers. Instead of listening with the intent to answer, habit five encourages empathic listening. Empathic listening involves seeing things from the other person's frame of reference. Often times we formulate our own answers and respond autobiographically instead of attempting to really understand what the other person is saying. The Chinese symbol for the verb "to listen" is made up of multiple characters that encompass what it means to seek first to understand: ears, eyes, undivided attention and heart.
Habit 5 is the Principle of Empathetic Communication.
Habit 5 is the Principle of Empathetic Communication.
Examples
Seek first to be understood through empathic listening:
Then seek to be understood:
- mimic the person you're listening to
- rephrase what they've said to show understanding
- display feeling
Then seek to be understood:
- Ethos - your personal credibility and understanding
- Pathos - your feeling and empathy
- Logos - logic
5 types of listening:
- Ignoring - The "La La La, I can't hear you"
- Pretending - The "Uh huh, Oh really? That's nice"
- Selective Hearing - The "But I'm sure I heard you say..."
- Attentive - The "I know exactly how you feel, when that happened to me..."
- Empathic - The "And how does that make you feel*?"